Ladies Night

Y'all, I'm super excited today because my dear friend Kathy Griffin is coming by

Kathy is a good woman. She brings energy. And this is called a... Spatula

Thank you. I am not a cook, a chef, a gourmand. That was a test to see if you were paying attention

I'm a professional appreciator. Kathy's a good eater. So I think I'm going to treat her to some of her favorite dishes

like this creamy mac and cheese with tomatoes, pot wings with a fruity twist

and chocolate espresso cupcakes. You know, I always love having Kathy in my kitchen

but I especially want to take her fishing. Oh, God, I got a fish

She got one. All right, here we go. You can't help but laugh when Kathy's around

Oops, naughty. Paula

What, darling? I'm having my breakfast, which is a diet soda, which is, I know, against all the laws of nature, good food

I don't know. I think it's pretty good myself. Some days that's what I have

But I'll have three cups of coffee and then a diet soda. I just discovered coffee

I had my first cup of coffee like six months ago. Isn't that crazy? But are you kidding

No. See, that's my new drug of choice. Paula Deen and I became friends when we met backstage at a talk show

She actually invited me to dinner with my mom, which was really sweet

And we've been pals ever since. And Kathy, come over here, girl, to the window

I've got to show you something. Look. That guy works for you? Yes

So he doesn't work for me. So if anything happens, it's not technically sexual harassment

It's just we're visiting. Right. Griffin helps tend to the yards. He's a fine young man, and he's quiet as a mouse

You know, he never says two words. He just grins at me

Oh, no. Oh, my gosh. He makes the situation look obese. I'll talk to you in a second

This has been really fun, Paula. I'll see you next time I'm in town. So I came here just to participate in some little cooking show

Oh, I'm going to fall. Help! Oh, my gosh. I fell. Meet Kathy Griffin

Hello, Kathy. Hi. We've already decided if you would marry her, you could be Griffin Griffin

That's right. And so could I. I would have to take her name. Yeah, without a doubt. Well, you can take something else

And it turns out someone fell in love with me. But I get it. It's not the first time. And later, Kathy, let me tell you, Griffin's going to be working out at the pond

So, if you would let me take you fishing. Yeah. I bet I can talk Griffin into giving you a massage

Done. Of course. Let's get in the kitchen. Okay. Great. Since coffee is your new drug

Yes. I'm going to make you a chocolate espresso cupcake. Oh, fantastic

All right, so we've got a bittersweet chocolate bar right here. Well, I have a bittersweet heart, so that is perfect

We need one cup of butter, which is both of those sticks. All right. Three-fourths of a cup of cocoa

Okay. And two teaspoons of ground espresso. Oh. So you just put all that in this pot

All right. And over here, I'm going to be working on the wet stuff

which is four eggs that we beat together with one and a half cups of sugar

All right, honey, your pot's on. Dump that butter. Dump butter first, okay

Uh-huh. Here you go if you need that. And this is called a... Spatula

Thank you. Is ours at the end of that a spatula? Because I will make fun of you

All right, so this is sauteing. Yes. Now, take all your chocolate

Okay. And put in there. Perfect. You know what's the word? I've done this recipe so many times, I don't even have to look

Now, see, that's a fourth of a cup measure right there, Kathy. So you're going to do that three times

Take your knife and level it off. No, this part I know from watching your show. So you go like that

Yes. Okay. Yes. Look at you. You haven't turned the knife the right way

Okay, one. Two. All right. Three. Okay. Kathy, it's like you've been doing this all your life

I mean, I would call it a natural. I don't really need your training. We can go through this exercise, but we all know I don't need it

Hey, hey, hey, no. What are you doing? Oh, I thought. That was a test to see if you were paying attention

And how many of these? Two. Two, all right. Oh, those cupcakes would have given you quite a jolt if they just had three cups of espresso

All right, I'm putting in one and three quarters cup of all-purpose flour. Okay

And I'm going to put in three quarters of a teaspoon of baking soda. Uh-huh

Two teaspoons of baking powder. Okay. And one teaspoon of salt Then I just going to take our dry ingredients and add them to our wet And while your chocolate melting I gonna beat these together

Are you excited to try and catch some catfish in my pond, Kathy

Okay, are they like fish with whiskers and little kitty? Yes! I love cats

So it's like little kitty, little kittens? No. No? No. Okay. This catfish does have whiskers

Okay. And he's got real stiff, real hard, like... First of all, you just described my dream map

Whisker is stiff and hard. So tell me where the bad part starts. All right, now I'm just going to pour this into here

Okay. All right, and now I'm just going to mix all these ingredients up good

Now, how do you know how long to mix it? Well, I can look at it

You see, there's no lumps. Uh-huh. It's nice and smooth. That's like my breasts

You've just described my last mammogram. So it came out good. Yeah

Fingers crossed. All right, look-a here. Okay. Now what we're going to do is we want to make sure every one of them's the same size

Okay, may I? Yes, so we're going to use this scoop to do it. All right, good idea

Yes. How do you come up with these ideas day after day? I mean, it's almost like you cook

How do you come up with the ideas for your show? I think what can offend people the most

And then I know I've done my job. People don't have any idea what a fine girl you are

Okay, cut. You stop it. You know, you're ruining my career with that nonsense. Stop it

Okay. Okay, now what? In the oven. Right. Put them in that oven, Kathy

Okay. 350, 12 to 14 minutes. Okay. Kathy, you're going to love this mac and cheese

Does it have a country name? Like ye olde, timey, your mama's mac and cheese

Ye olde, timey, ye. And later, we're going fishing. Griffin! Griffin, help me

You got it. Well, I love mac and cheese because I'm a human being

And how can you not? But Paula Deen mac and cheese is extra magical

I'm changing this up a little bit for you. Best dishes. First, before I..

Best dishes, baby. All right, before I put this in there. Do you like tomatoes

I do. I love tomatoes. And you like... Okay. I'm going to shake it up a little bit. Does it have, like, a country name

Like, Ye Olde Timey, your mama's mac and cheese? Ye Olde Timey, ye

Your grandma's, I wish I would hear, hotter than a church full of ticks that have..

And then the country... The sheriff walked in. That's how hot it is

I can't get the sayings down yet. All right, let's think of a name

Do you have to go to the bathroom? I do actually have wet in my pants. But I have done my job

You know, it's so great when I am able to go to other regions of the country

and educate them on their new colloquialisms. You'll see, they'll take on

You know, like, where's the beef or what's up? They're all going to become the big, you know, it thing real soon

Now, normally I would ask you to do this, but you scare me. Yes. So I'm going to do that

That is pasta. I know that. Yes, you can lean over and get your quick facial

Okay. Oh, took years off me. Opened everything right up. Now, you got a big job ahead of you

Okay, what can I do? I'm really needing your help. Yeah. I need three cups of grated sharp cheddar

Okay. All righty. Cooking is second nature to me. It's like taking my clothes off

It's just something I do several times a day in mixed company

And who did you learn it from, your mama? My mom, yes

My mom, after a box of wine, the moo-moo might come off. I don't know

Your poor mama. She's appalled. I am the shame of the family. The shame of the family

I'm not just a black sheep. I'm the whole herd. I'm the entire herd of shame

All right, now I'm making a white sauce, and I'm adding half a cup of flour to three tablespoons of melted butter

And then we're just going to stir it together with some salt and pepper. Now, as you finish grating our cheddar cheese

I'm slowly going to add four cups of milk. All right, now I got another huge jug for you

I didn't even know that there was flour in mac and cheese. Well, see, you don't have to do that

Like down at the restaurant. Oh, you want me to cut these friends? Oh, my gosh, yes. In half, please

All right. Down at the restaurant, we use eggs. The eggs are a binding factor

Yes. Okay. Yes, it makes it, it kind of turns it into a custard, you know

Teach me some more southern sayings. Come on, I want to hear, you know

You know, when you ask me to say them, I can't think of them

What do you mean? They're supposed to be second nature to you, like swearing is to me. Brandon, help me out

What's a more southern sayings? Brandon, what's a southern sayings? Where is my assistant

What are some southern expressions I can use? What are some of the southern expressions

I'm so slow cutting these tomatoes, it's like I'm a slug in a hot saloon on a July night with the wrong man coming in

That's one. What? Okay you can just laugh in my face I right here You sweating like a fat girl writing a love letter I love that one I just made that one up one day because I thought I am sweating Now what would I be doing that would make me sweat more

And I said, writing a love letter. All right, we got to think of some Southern saying

I know. That's harder to get out than a man walking through the country

store in a day when the lemonade's on sale. No? All right, fine

So while our cheese melts into our sauce, I need you guys to chop a fourth of a cup of basil

All right, now I'm making these in little individual cups. Now what are those things called

Ramekins. All right, that sounds like a new German designer. Did you make that up, ramekins

It sounds like you made it up. And next, we can add our pasta to our sauce

and then add our tomatoes and our basil and just give it a quick stir

All right, so look. All right. Look, Kathy. We're just going to feel our ramekins

Okay. Like that. You know, I thought you said feel our ramekins

and I thought that was inappropriate for daytime. What time is the show on? Like two in the morning

So we can say anything, right? I don't know if the show ever airs. Hey-oh. What do you guys think

Brandon just said he doesn't think the show will ever air. It's just never going to see the light of day

No. Okay, fine. Last, we're just going to add a mixture of panko breadcrumbs, the chopped parsley, and butter, and it's going to make a crunchy top

I love crunch. Me too. You like crunch? I love crunch, especially with the mushy inside

Are you kidding me? Yes. It's going to be fantastic. Yes. And y'all, these are going to bake for about 25 minutes at 400 degrees

Now listen, I fry my chicken fingers naked. Good. I fry mine topless

You do? Because, you know, it's gradual. It's a gradual process. Yes. This is fantastic

You really should think about doing a book or opening a restaurant. Oh, Paula

Doesn't that look good? Of course it does. Oh, my gosh. Where do you want to put it

Send it right there. You know what I love? I love the Dramamines. Dramamines

The Dramazines. What are these called again? These little bowls? Ramekins! Oh, that's right

I'm sorry. You got me pure screwed up. I thought it was Dexatrims

Taste. Dexatrims. All right, may we? Just don't burn yourself. Okay. That's perfect

Oh, no. Oh, no. Isn't that yummy? Yeah. Wow. It's as good as it looks

The Japanese breadcrumbs do just right on it. The pancreas? It's the pancreas

Whatever it's called. I don't care what it's called. Does it perfect. Oh

Well, Kathy, let me show you this hot wing recipe that even you can manage on your own

I want you to go home and get you a deep fryer. Okay. And I want you to make these hot wings

I will. So I got about four pounds of chicken wings here. These have already been washed

Okay. And disjointed. The tips have been cut off. Now, listen, I fry my chicken fingers naked

Good. I fry mine topless. You do? Because, you know, it's gradual

It's a gradual process. Yes. If you put flour on them, they get gumpy and gooey

Is that good or bad? That's bad. Okay. So we want these crispy

Now, I cook mine extra, extra crispy. All right. Into the fryer they go

Oh, my goodness. All right, can I try a couple? Yes. All right. Now, I can't tell you how long I cook them for

Well, then, Dylan, it's a big secret. That's why you have a cooking show. Because I just look at them, you know, and when they're crispy enough, I take them up

All right, now, we got to wash our hands good. Okay. Because you don't want to cross-contaminate

This is broken. When you touch chicken. This is broken. To me, baby, to me

Then I'm going to show you how I make my wings with a pepper jelly instead of a hot sauce, Kathy

Okay. Pepper jelly is something we make in the South using all kind of peppers, and it's clear

But there's all kind of different pepper jellies you can make. Oh

So I said, you know, I will make a pepper jelly hot wing

So it's almost like a sweet and sour sauce, a little kick? Yes. Okay. All right, so put your two sticks of butter in there

I'm taking home a lot of tips. I think she should try a little more butter in her recipes, but that's me

Go ahead and add that whole jar of pepper jelly. And then I'm going to use the whisk

Yes. All right. You know, different pepper jellies have different degrees of heat

What level is this of heat? On a scale of 1 to 10, it's a medium

Okay. Look at this. I'm a saussier. Yes. I made my first sauce

Yes. I mean see how simple that is now you know in my Irish Catholic family when we say get the sauce we don't mean this kind of sauce

I just want you to know there other kinds of sauce look these wings are coming along All right now Kathy Yeah we gonna go If you put that up here This thing Okay Yes we going to go straight from the fryer

So you're literally going from the frying pan into the fire, like the expression. Kind of Bass Ackerds

Yeah. From the fire to the frying pan. Okay. All right, now get you a spoon and start stirring those real quick

Stirring what? These? Okay. Yeah, while they're hot, you've got to get them incorporated

Yeah, coat them good This looks great And after they're covered, we can just plate them up, Kathy Yum Yum Alright

Now is this your version of a salad? Yes It's like a summer salad Yes Okay

Now which is your favorite? The flapper or the leg? The flapper

Mine too Yeah Oh, no. You've done it again

I mean, it's bad to the bone, isn't it? It's bad to the bone. It's making me worse to the bone

This is fantastic. You really should think about doing a book or opening a restaurant

I just think you have it. You think? Mm-hmm. Mm. Yes, you like espresso beans

Mm-hmm. They'll help jack you up. Oh, that's what I need. A little more energy

Oh, my God. He's taking off his shirt for y'all. Put your finger in that

Okay. Whoa! Oh, not a kid! Oh, it's like a catfish. I was making sure you's awake

I'm awake. I'm here. All right. This is nothing but powdered sugar

The espresso coffee grounds, you know, that we put in the cupcakes. Yeah. A little buttermilk. Mm-hmm

And naturally butter. Wow. So, I'm telling you, Griffin's going to love it

These are Griffin catching cupcakes. These are Griffin catchers. Okay, good. All right, so just pull them out

All right. These have cooled. And then we can just ice them up. And then what's the story with these

We're just going to put some on top. All right, like a decolletage

Yes, like a decolletage. Yes, you like espresso beans. Mm-hmm

They'll help jack you up. Oh, that's what I need. A little more energy

Before we go, you know I like to always test everything before I give it to somebody

To make sure it's safe? Is it good? Is it good enough for you

Do I have any in my mouth? No, none in your teeth. Nothing's going? Perfect

So I should just go to him and be a smile? Hi. All right

Yum, yum. Oh, that is delicious. We're getting our rods and reels

Mm-hmm. Okay. My reel, do you mean my demo reel? Because I could show you some old, some of my work

This is what I know is a reel. This is a rod

Mm-hmm. This big thing's a rod. Sure. Now let's go see if we can hook a southern boy

All right, here we come. All right, reel it in some. Okay, reel it in like this

Yes. All right, that one. All right, and add a cast. Yeah. Hold it just like this

Put your thumb there. Right. Pitch and release. Oh, God, I got a fish

She got one. All right, here we go. Release. Oh, my God

Come to mama, baby. Help me. I have one. I think I have one

Oh, you threw your bait off. You really got one? Yes, here, you get it

Okay, all right. Really man. Okay. There he is! Griffin, help me

Yeah. Yay! Oh, Griffin. 30 seconds, we got our first fish. Oops, naughty

Oh, gosh. He created a lot of commotion today. Every time I turned around

it seems like he was bending over to pick up something. and showing up in a bikini to go fishing

Now, she and I were fishing for two different fish. Oh, my gosh

Isn't that good? She didn't learn a damn thing today. It's better in bed

It's like a bed food. You know what I mean? Like you kind of want to sit in bed. Except I'd have beat a southern boy

Oh, my God, he's taking off his shirt for y'all. Y'all are not a great time of day

It was really fun for me to help Griffin fish because, you know, he's new

And it's great to help young people learn their craft. Thank you so much

Oh, I love you so much. You're the best. Listen. You're such a sport

Wait, I caught something! You can deep fry this. You can fry it and deep fry it

I can make that good. I mean, of course you can